shift the paradigm. strengthen the connection.

It’s Not You…Tweens and Teens Are EXTRA!

Sound familiar?

Your teen won’t talk beyond grunts and eye-rolls. The attitude is constant – that snarky-ass tone that makes you want to claw your eyes out. They’re locked down in their room all day, glued to their phone, and every interaction feels like hugging a porcupine.

So you keep trying what “everyone” says good parents do: correct behavior, set limits, and explain (again) why their attitude is unacceptable. You lecture about respect and responsibility. You nag about phone time and family dinners.

But here’s what “everyone” leaves out: These approaches require that you abandon all that you know instinctively to be true about your child and about the relationship you want with your child. They backfire because they ignore your teen’s developmental stage, strengths, and struggles. And they backfire because, as a generation, we were never taught emotional or communication skills that foster deep connection. So we are learning and parenting at the same time.

Here’s The Real Problem

Your teen’s brain is rewiring itself right now and won’t be done until they are almost thirty (that makes my twenties make a lot more sense 🙄) They can’t yet think about the effects of their behavior on other people. That requires insight. And insight requires a fully developed frontal lobe.

And if that weren’t enough, compared to adults, they have a remarkable capacity for habit-formation. The good (healthy eating habits, exercise, study habits…), the bad (not cleaning up after themselves, not putting screens down, etc.) and the ugly (addictions, risk-taking, and poor or dangerous coping strategies leap to mind). Refer back to: brain is not fully formed…

Focusing exclusively on WHAT they’re doing (the blow-ups, the attitude, the isolation, or the meltdowns), can trigger an “You must learn / I must win” mindset.

But if you knew that their brain hadn’t developed yet for certain behaviors, a more empathetic mindset would lead. And you’d be well on your way to understanding the WHY behind the behavior. What are they feeling? What developmental need isn’t being met? What’s really driving this behavior?

Forcing them to “behave” and do WHAT you want them to? That’s an uphill battle. But the WHY? That my friend, is something we can work with and it deeply impacts their desire to collaborate with you.

The Connection-First Approach

Instead of “powering over our kids, ” the Connection-First Approach uses “power with” – a collaborative approach that honors both your needs and theirs. Through our five “branches,” you’ll learn:

Teen Emotional Skills  – Understand what’s happening beneath the surface behaviors.

Family Communication – Move from lecturing to listening, and nagging to collaborating.

Teen Brain Development – Work with your teen’s brain development, not against it.

Restoration for Mom – Heal your triggers so you can show up regulated and model healthy behaviors.

Family Bonding Activities – Play and have a good time together! Watch the connection build. 🤩

The result? Parenting tweens and teens becomes less about controlling and more about connecting. Less about fixing someone who isn’t broken and more about understanding. Your teen becomes a teammate, not an opponent.