In this post I'm sharing:
This post shares the books about finding yourself that I have found most valuable personally as a woman in my 40's (ok, so I'm fifty-ish – I'm just been saying I'm in my forties for so long…). Each book is filled with words of encouragement for women inspiring you to elevate the parts of you that can be better as well as to discover the parts that have been lost to you. These writings have a common thread: these women open their hearts and souls in their writings, and spice that openness up with humor. What these books don't do is tell you what your best looks like for you. Some of you may want a Manhattan penthouse and some may want to be goat farmers. No judgements either way. I am about helping you dig inside to discover what your very best version of yourself wants and then to learn how to get it.
As women over 40, we are blessed if we recognize that we have all or most of what “they” say will make us happy. And yet, something feels off. Something seems as if it doesn't quite fit.
Everyone we've supported over the years has settled nicely. Spouses made their way professionally and have settled in to the comfort of careers and homes. They have no idea that wholeness, knowledge of or satisfaction with one's purpose in life, and comfort in one's body are luxuries not everyone has achieved yet.
Our children are doing all of the boundry testing that they are evolutionarily programmed to do. Which, on any given day, can suck the very marrow from our maternal bones. They have friends, passions, and an entire life ahead of them.
But what does everyone else's comfort leave us with? Sometimes, this leaves us wondering why we feel so off or unfamiliar. Or maybe wondering where did that girl who used to love to dance disappear to? What was it like when I felt less pulled at and more in charge. Or just less exhausted and more filled with new ideas. If only we could remember who that is… (Or where we left the keys, or what we were planning for dinner, and so on and so on….)
My hope for all of us is that we might just be lucky enough to realize that that girl has probably evolved into somebody we want to be friends with. Somebody we need to be reintroduced to.
I wanted to share this list of books about finding yourself to help us reflect inwardly on our own unique light that we have to share with the world, and hearing the stories of those who have gone before us can help us decide our personal path. Being our best selves means that we aren't comparing ourselves with others, but “competing” only with ourselves to be complete.
I've updated this post because I also think that being our best selves means understanding others. Not to compare or compete – but to understand. Understanding others, if we allow it to, often leads to understanding parts of ourselves we hadn't noticed before. And as Jane Fonda notes,
“
We are not meant to be perfect...
We are meant to be whole.
jane fonda
Wisdom For Finding Yourself From Women Who Think Deeply, Share From Their Hearts, and Are Funny!
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Check PriceWhile this isn't a "per se" book about finding yourself, it is a riotous take on the current tsunami of cultural bad behavior. And while I agree that we definitely don't need any more judgy people in the world - some things just must be judged. Luvvie always has smart takes on the current moment and her hysterical essays surgically dissect our cultural obsessions and they call out bad behavior in our increasingly digitally "connected" lives. Luvvie's giving side-eyes on life, social media, culture, and fame. She's dishing up dirt on those terrible friends we all have to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook. 😳
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Check PriceI've only just started this book. But, so far, it is the perfect blend of hillariously wise insight, humor, and memoir.
Coming of age in a culture that demands women be as small, quiet, and compliant as possible--like a porcelain dove that will also have sex with you--writer and humorist Lindy West quickly discovered that she was anything but.
While offering her hilarious takes, West still boldly shares how to survive in a world where all stories are not equal and all bodies are not equally cherished. She's got guidance on how to weather hatred, loneliness, harassment, and loss, and still walk away laughing.
Shrill provocatively dissects what it means to become self-aware the hard way, to go from wanting to be silent and invisible to earning a living defending the silenced in all caps.
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Check PriceIn 2015, Shonda Rhimes, the trailblazing creative force behind some of television’s most beloved series, took on a challenge that would change her life forever. She decided to say yes to everything for a year, and the results were exhilarating. Hailed as “honest, raw, and revelatory” (The Washington Post) and “as fun to read as Rhimes’s TV series are to watch” (Los Angeles Times), Year of Yes quickly became a New York Times bestseller, captivating readers everywhere and inspiring them to undertake their own YES journeys.
In this celebratory and expanded anniversary edition, you’ll find more wildly candid and transformational chapters that reveal how the mega-talented Shonda, once a self-described introvert, achieved badassery worthy of a Shondaland character—and how you can, too.
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Check PriceHow could I not include the amazing Elizabeth Gilbert? In her early thirties, Elizabeth Gilbert had everything - a husband, country home, successful career. But instead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she was consumed by panic and confusion. Eat, Pray, Love is the story of how she left behind all these outward marks of success, and set out to explore three different aspects of her nature, against the backdrop of three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence.
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Check PriceGlennon, Abby, and Amanda have talked to some of the wisest people looking for answers to help us all along a path that sometimes feels lonely, frightening, and overwhelming. As always - it's moving, inspiring, and always brilliant. We all need to keep this book on the bedside table; I think of it as life's field guide 😉
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Check PriceIn this refreshingly blunt how-to guide, Sincero, serves up 27 bite-sized chapters full of hilariously inspiring stories, life-changing insights, easy exercises and the occasional swear word. If colorful language is your friend, you will find yourself laughing, learning, and wishing Jen was you bestie next door.
By the end, you will understand why you are how you are, how to love what you can't change, how to change what you don't love, and how to start living the kind of life you used to be jealous of.
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Being Mom is Hard. Pinning Makes it Easier 😉
Trust me. If any of these books sound helpful, Pin now…
Before you head to the kitchen, but forgot why you're there. 🤭
Learn How to Rediscover Yourself From Women Are Vulnerable, Raw, and Deeply Moving
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Check Price"Freedom is like life. It cannot be had in installments. Freedom is indivisible — we have it all or we are not free." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
The Body Is Not an Apology offers radical self-love as a way to embody Dr. King's truth that none are free until all are free and as the way toward a more just, equitable, and compassionate world - for us all.
This is the second edition and includes stories from Taylor’s travels. In her new final chapter, she offers specific tools, actions, and resources for confronting racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and transphobia. And she provides a case study showing how radical self-love not only dismantles shame and self-loathing in us but has the power to dismantle entire systems of injustice.
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Check PriceThis was recently published and is on my TBR (to be read) list. Alexandra Elle offers her hard-won wisdom on:
- Recognizing when people-pleasing and self-silencing have become a pattern.
- Understanding that honesty—while sometimes painful—is a bridge to real intimacy or necessary endings.
- Letting go of the belief that we earn love by shrinking ourselves.
- Honor the sacred friendships that restore and heal us.
She gives us permission to evolve in friendships and reminds us that the people we surround ourselves with are not only mirrors, but key companions on the lifelong journey of healing, self-trust, and belonging.
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Check PriceIn this fascinating narrative, therapist Catherine Gildiner’s presents five of what she calls her most heroic and memorable patients. Among them: a successful, first generation Chinese immigrant musician suffering sexual dysfunction; a young woman whose father abandoned her at age nine with her younger siblings in an isolated cottage in the depth of winter; and a glamorous workaholic whose narcissistic, negligent mother greeted her each morning of her childhood with "Good morning, Monster."
I've read the first story about Laura and the book reads like a memoir, gripping fiction novel, and a revelation of what therapy is all about. All at the same time!
Each patient presents a mystery, one that will only be unpacked over years. They seek Gildiner's help to overcome an immediate challenge in their lives, but discover that the source of their suffering has been long buried.
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Check PriceHealthy boundaries. We all know we should have them so that we can enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family; achieve work/life balance; and even cope with toxic people. Collaborative conversations require that we be able to state our needs - what we will and won't do - in order to truly communicate with others.
Another book on my TBR list that promises to be outstanding!
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I suggest
these two articles for more depth and related reading:
You Can Also Listen to Your Books
We've all moved into a season of consuming content and information by listening – while we walk or jog; while we make dinner; whenever is convenient. So if you know you need one or more of these books in your life, you can try Audible and pick two of these life-changers up today for free!
Right now, by clicking this link, you can try Audible and get two FREE audiobooks right away!
Always be your best, whatever that looks like for you today.
